Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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