so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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