After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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