just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
