I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
