I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
