just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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