just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
