Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
