I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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