Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
