Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
