is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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