It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
