The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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