I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
