After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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