i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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