Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
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