Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
