I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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