Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
My ATM looks so different sober.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
