Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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