I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
