in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
