well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
if only i could text you this smell
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
