If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
