Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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