Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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