So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
He felt like a one man threesome
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize