You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize
