I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
