Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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