my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
