this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
