I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
