someone get that fucking seahorse.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
