Will you blow on my dice?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
