just tell him i said nine months
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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