I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
