wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
