She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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