i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Randomize
