I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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