We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
