She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
