Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
