Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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