My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
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