I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
